Friday, January 25, 2013

Lesson 13: Got Milk? Part 1

Feeling overwhelmed with the pressures and hustle and bustle of the city, a fellow Savage and I decide to plan an escape to a rural less populated area. Destination chosen and car filled up with gas, we embark on our voyage to solitude. Less than an hours time we arrive to our weekend safe haven. As we unload the car,we notice something moving in the distance many yards away. As the figures grew more in focus I noticed the familiar shape of dairy cows grazing. This reminded me of a question a reader recently submitted to the Mackononmics crew that basically meant "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"

This question has been a great mystery, puzzling marks since the dawn of Savage. However the answer is pretty simple. To fully understand how one arrives at this point the journey first must be understood.

 Milk is considered natures wellness drink. Milk is concentrated with Calcium, Vitamin D, Phosphorous  and a balance of other nutrients that have been proven to build your bones, teeth, and as well promote a Savage function of muscles and peak coordination and execution of Savage moves. Most importantly Savages love milk. The only thing better than milk is new milk.  Those who do not get an adequate allowance of milk suffer from weak bones,  low confidence, lack of interesting conversation, cold shakes, restless nights, and lack the overall focus and control that is vital to remain a respectable individual.

After first tasting milk from a cow as a youth, one has to run this Savage tale to members of their pack. After this exchange initiated members introduce them to the world of rustling.  Rustling is the art of going from cow to cow and tasting of various milks. Harvesting milk doesn't start off as an easy task. Rustlers have to learn from trial and error on what techniques work on what cows and be mentored by older more experienced rustlers in the art.

While on this journey the rustler will encounter farmers, those who have settled down and exclusively get milk from a single cow. From time to time when a rustler is confident in his talents they may attempt to rustle a cow that has an owner. A skilled rustler can do so with ease. But with some farmers being former rustlers who know what to defend against this task may not always be completed. It has even been reported that some cows will attack rustlers when they attempt to go for a milk because how loyal and devoted they are to their farmer.

So you're wondering what can lead such a free spirit as a rustler to become a farmer? Why would someone who gets such a variety of milk want to purchase a single cow? Most of you thinking they only want good milk. True milk is a contributing factor, but a rustler doesn't make a decision solely on the type of milk the cow produces.

First of all, the cow has to have key behaviors ingrained. So when the rustler has taking a liking to a cow they start taking steps to get the lacking characteristics and nurturing those already present through taking special care of the cow which includes providing  a balanced diet, properly grooming, and making sure that they are protected. Rustlers also only purchase cows that they can proudly bring to the farmers market; for the opinion's of those persons present carry significant weight. Cows that are stubborn, nag the rustler, exhibit herd cow characteristics, don't interact well with others, and have nasty attitudes, are less likely to be purchased. These type of cows are only suited for the rustler while in the rustling stage

 At the end of the day  the potential farmer still has to ensure that the cow produces the proper milk. Over time the pallet matures and cravings can only be quenched by only the finest of milks. So the would be farmer seeks milk that is fluid, has a nice taste, pleasant aroma, smooth finish with no after taste, delicious, and is satisfying Not every cow possess this perfect milk but as long some promise is shown the rustler will be satisfied. Last, but most certainly not least, the most important characteristic of the milk is that it posses exclusivity. No logical rustler will purchase a cow whose milk has been tasted by too many for it lacks the uniqueness and freshness that rustlers enjoy. At the same time rustlers don't want to buy a cow that has never produced milk. This is simply because a true value can't fully be assessed of the cow with out having tasted the milk.

This may confuse a lot of readers. Letting too many taste the milk makes you a herd cow; thus lacking the exclusive milk tasting right that rustlers and farmers like. Not producing milk makes the cow respectful, but undesirable by rustlers and farmers. Being the fist person to taste the milk of a cow has the double edge sword effect. It's gratifying because the rustler always have exclusive milk rights, and can forgo many other steps in the buying process. The cow only knows how to produce the milk that only one rustler likes. The rustler can then change up the cow's diet to produce his own special recipe of milk that is catered to his liking.At the same token, being the first person to taste a cow's milk comes with enormous responsibility. The cow automatically expects the rustler to initiate the steps in the purchasing agreement; rustler may not be ready to buy. The cow is already too invested in the rustler and looks to him for guidance and dependency. Unwilling to let go of their rustling ways, many rustlers do not even consider trying to get  the milk of this particular cow and pursue other ventures. This is done out of respect.

All rustlers aren't as noble so the cow has to be sure to protect themselves from the dream selling rustlers also known as Rodeo Clowns. Rodeo Clowns are known to be especially fond of the rapper Drake, write poetry, typically say the phrase, "I'm not the rest of them," and may serenade their victims by wielding a musical instrument as a weapon.  Experienced rustlers are able to help protect the cow from this clown by exposing the type of tricks and how to counter quickly shutting their game down.  The Rodeo Clown manipulates the emotion's of the cow to get his glass filled with the milk. They're looked down upon by other rustler's and, in many provinces, restricted from gaining entry into any Farmer's Association's. No rustler wants to be responsible for breaking the spirit of this especially fragile cow. The Rodeo Clown has no integrity and deceives the cow into giving up the milk.

After carefully checking out the cow,  the rustler works with the cow to tweak it to their liking and spends time with the cow to better understand it. Now being heavily invested, it becomes apparent that they would not want anyone to take care of the cow but themselves. The rustler finds himself lending a helping hand when the cow gets trapped in different circumstances and then notices the he now keeps a watchful eye on the cow in general. Now embodying everything the rustler wants, the rustler is willing to take the next step of their relationship. The rustler wants to ensure no one else is tasting their milk so now there is a want for exclusive milk bottling rights. This begins the purchasing process.

In order to make the transformation from rustler to farmer the cow that is purchased must be thoroughly researched. The potential farmer must meet with his local Farmer's Association to submit a formal inquiry into the cows pedigree, and ensure that the milk is USDA approved and has no history of ever being sour or tainted by previous farmers. Without proper approval no rustler should continue with a purchase. Proceeding without first acquiring the proper documentation of the cow's history is risky, shows desperation, and reflects poorly on the potential farmer's cow choosing skills. There are few things worse than being the owner of a herd cow that produced milk to any rustler willing to drink. If everything has been checked and cleared the purchase of the cow may proceed. The goal for every farmer should be only to purchase the highest caliber of cows, Blue Ribbon.

It is key that the rustler arrives to this conclusion on their own.The time it takes a rustler to reach the decision and the actual purchasing agreement to be finalized can take quite a while. Many cows grow impatient try to manipulate the rustler in an attempt to speed up this process. The cow hints at the farmer at which bells she likes, the measurements of their neck, images of which bells they'd like, and slowing moving in some their possessions into the farmer's house. The cow's impatience repels the farmer and makes the cow look desperate. The cow must be willing to understand that rustlers take years before they start to think in the future. Just because the rustler buys the cow does not automatically means that they're also thinking of bells. In their search for reaching the destination, beautiful sights and experiences escape the cows eyes.  Be patient and enjoy the journey, its not all about the destination. Rustlers have to be willing to undergo the transformation to farmer. Pressure negatively effects this transformation and the farmer will always condone the cow for rushing things.

Now that the farmer has made the purchase, it is now their responsibility to keep the cow satisfied, protected and constantly increase its value. If a farmer doesn't do these things they leave themselves vulnerable to some problematic issues. Cows are grazing creatures by nature, so if  a farmer doesn't properly secure his gate he can find his investment eating from other pastures or even worst a rustler may intrude. In the event that the cow isn't properly cared for the cow they will seek treatment from a more qualified source. Providing too much nourishment to a cow is just as detrimental as not providing enough. For example the old saying of "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." are words to not be forgotten. Too much of anything is a bad thing. Some farmers, shower their cows with too much attention. The cow may appear to love it at first but with each passing day the luster will wear off. The same actions that used to make the cow happy now make it upset. The cow becomes bored and seeks attention from rustlers. Initially the cow only sees this as innocent fun but later finds themselves legs opened, utter caressed, and rustler getting the farmer's precious milk. It is important to allow the cow some alone time so that their identity remains true.

Another mistake some farmers make is putting there cows in barns. The barn is feeble attempt of an overbearing farmer to keep their cow hidden away from rustlers, fellow farmers, and other cows.  Often these structures are poorly ventilated, are set upon poor foundations which make it impossible to effectively secure openings, and are built with shabby material & improper equipment. This is easy pickings for a rustler.

 He quickly can enter the barn undetected and see how alone the cow is. Every rustler knows the phrase "Isolation leads to lack-tation." This has 2 meanings first being that the cow only produces the minimum amount of milk needed so that the farmer still makes the cow feel special; a feeling that every cow appreciates. But the farmer often finds himself falling asleep with an empty stomach, craving for a little taste of milk he is now addicted to. The second being a rustler knows that the more isolated a cow is the more milk is present waiting to be extracted. When a rustler realizes this effortlessly he leads the cow out of the barn an reintroduces them to once familiar sights and gives the cow gets a breath of the fresh air.  This tactful rustler is the recipient of more milk than he ever expected, without all of the extra care taking duties.

This only gives a small insight to those that do the milking. But whats more important is understanding the cow. There are many types of cows and it's important to make sure you don't purchase the wrong one. Also it's important for the cow to understand what they do to become undesirable after being purchased or what would drive a farmer into getting different milk while already having a cow purchased. This is a solid foundation of the thirst. The next lesson will inform you on all these things. Remember drink up.


Cow \ˈkau̇\ (n): the one in which produces milk.

Farmer \ˈfär-mər\ (n): Someone who has grown and matured, and now is exclusive to one cow. Sometimes a former rustler.

Milk \ˈmilk\ (n): The common bond that all farmers. rustlers and rodeo clown share. What they think about all day.

Rodeo Clown \ˈrō-dē-ˌō ˈklau̇n\ (n): One that collects milk through unscrupulous actions. Often plays on a cows emotions for milk.

Rustler \ˈrə-səl\ (n): One that tastes the milk of many different cows. Uses tactful methods to obtain milk.

Required Listening: