Thursday, November 8, 2012

Lesson 9: Sell Commandments

Sitting here sipping brews with my fellow Savages on the verge of the epic turn up session known as Sellapalooza, I begin to ponder about the origins of this event and what transforms it from a normal turn up session. The vital catalyst that transforms this turn up session is known as the Sell. The Sell is a phenomena when all the events for a Savage aligns.  The turn up session is organized chaos. But when this chaos is paired with the only time divine intervention can be attributed to Savages the results are amazing. In order to understand the Sell one must first understand its beginning.The story  has served many purposes throughout history, being told as a bedtime stories to young Savages, certain events serving as parables allowing pupils to better understand normative principles of Savagery, and as a means to lift low spirits and restore morale in the darkest of hours most notably during the plague of Europe.  The origin of the Sell has been passed through generations of Savages. This is the first written recollection of this momentous event but it has been passed from Savage to Savage via oral tradition since it's first occurrence circa 4000 BSE (Before Savage Era).

Our story begins with 2 young, lost souls searching for a greater purpose. They wandered day and night, through sleet and rain and other dangerous terrain. This journey was about to win against their will when they unexpectedly stumbled upon an elderly shepherd in the small village of Savagonia. They merely asked the wise man for directions. The wise man replied "My sons, I do not believe you are ending your quest. You have actually found what you were searching for."

Confused, the 2 lads asked "What do you mean? We are weary and in need of shelter".

The man replies "I have a riddle for you. What has 2 legs in the day, 4 legs at night and 2 legs in the morning?"

After a moment of intense thought, one of the travelers respond, "A savage?"

"Explain." says the O.G.

One of the young lads musters up enough courage and begins to speak."Well I once had a dream in which I wandered on two legs all day looking for a mark. When I found the mark both of our legs made four, we ripped to pieces and I removed myself from the situation, returning back to two legs, before the morning dew rested on the grass".

The O.G, nodding in approval, looks at the lads for a moment and says, "That is correct, son. Thou possesses the knowledge worthy of the quest." The O.G looks to his multitudinous herd of sheep and releases a call from the depths of his soul. The sea of white wool parts to reveal a lone black sheep. As the sheep approaches the men, the boys notice a shimmer of light beaming from its neck. The O.G holds the light in the palm of his hand.  When the brightness subsides, the boys notice the light has taken the form of what we know today to be THE ancient Golden Ticket. Along with this ticket, the O.G hands them a stone tablet with 10 instructions known as the Sell Commandments:

 Thou must become one with the spirit of the wolf.
 Thou must drinketh from the forbidden pool of Kuuza.
 Thou must Kuuza.
 Thou must not lose the spirit of the wolf.
 Thou must channel thy inner Oozaru.
 Thou must seek the followers of Dionysus.
 Thou must find the deity of song.
 Thou must become the four-legged beast.
 Thou must acquire the swiftness of the Basiliscus.
 Thou must repeat for another cycle of the sun.

After the two receive the ancient tablet, they began to decipher the meaning of Savage. The journey was perilous and relied on intuition and Savage instincts. Through their travels they deciphered the meaning of each Sell Commandment.

1. The wolf hunts in a pack. Nature's most devastating entity. Wolves use different mechanisms and methodologies to take down the most difficult of prey.  From this solid foundation, the two lads concluded that savages that hunt together, feast together. No man shall be left behind.

2. Kuuza is an ancient Swahili term for "Sell". In order for savages to reach the full potential of the wolf and not fall victim to the "thirst", one must quench thyself with the forbidden water of Kuuza.

3. After digesting the forbidden drink of Kuuza, thou must embrace the spirit of the Kuuza, thus resulting in peak levels of savagery and sellish lifestyle.

4. One must not reject or regurgitate the sellish potion or seek rest. One must fully embrace the moment and rise to the occasion and never subside from the excellence that is required. #DontTapOut. Only few have succeeded beyond this point and many have perished:


5. The lads knew that the Oozaru was the most feared creature in all of Savagonia. The creature manifested itself when the moon was full and the pool of Kuuza was most potent. This creature took the form of a gigantic golden APE and reigned down havoc on all in its sights. To channel this spirit would make the savage the most formidable opponent any square or mark would even see. On very rare occasion, when a pack of Gorilla Pimps are formed, they are single handedly the most unstoppable force since the creation of man. Every modern day savage pack idolizes this illustrious formation of Savages.

6. The followers of Dionysus were those who also partook of the pool of Kuuza, but lacked the clarity that transformed them into savages. Symbolically, these were the prey that the wolf hunted and feasted upon. None were safe. The two lads went on an epic search for the most appealing marks in all Savagonia.

7. In order to find the peak of all savagery, the lads knew that song was required. In order to get the lads and their prey to reach the full potential the proper song was need, thus resulting in the first SELL PLAYLIST.

8. The lads recollected the riddle the the O.G initially presented them with. They knew that this was one of the last steps of their savage transformation. Two ordinary walking people became the four legged beast, when they bonded extremities to become one being lost in ecstasy. To reach this level of nirvana, The lads understood that they must become one with the followers of Dionysus and rip to pieces.

9. The newly transformed Savage realized the only way to maintain this level of Kuuza was to vacate relics of the past and seek new treasure. Thus, one must become stealth and swift as the Jesus Lizard, moving with such haste that one could walk on water.

10. In order for one's destiny to be complete, you must complete this cycle within the dusk of 2 days.

The two young lads completed each task and went back to see the shepherd. After they told him of their journey, the O.G reached in his travelers pack and revealed an enormous roll of tickets. The O.G asked the two lads, "Do you know what these are for my sons?"

The boys took time to thinks and responded, "Well wise shepherd, the tickets are a vital part of the Sell. Without the ticket our journey would have been less pleasurable. The ticket is the key which opens the lock to the sellish lifestyle. We must take the tickets and give them to people that we see worthy of the sell."

The shepherd grinned at the boys with a look of admiration and said, "I have no more to teach you. Do unto others as I have unto you."

The lads parted ways with the shepherd and spread their sellish ways all over Savagonia. The lessons of their selling reached every corner of the earth. To honor the two lads, the people of Savagonia held a festival. First a ceremony in which they showcase new recipients of the golden tickets. The next day hosting a turn up session where Savages from all time periods return to the birthplace of the sell and share stories of sellish adventures and how they continue to spread the sell. The tradition is still being carried on this day through their Savage ancestors. In accordance to Savage tradition the festival has always been held in the fall under the waning crescent moon and a visible Venus in the sky. This solar alignment falls upon the second weekend of November for the year 2012. The event this year has been deemed Sellapalooza by the High Savage council. All are invited to this celebration but only one thing needs be remembered: Sell on, my friends.... Sell on.

New recipients of the golden tickets preparing to receive the gift of sell.


The Sell: \thə ˈsel\ (n,v,adj): is a phenomenon only found in the most gifted Savages; it's a combination of the perfect environment marks,and group of Savages; a sell simply can not be created or forced. this is the only instance where divine intervention comes into play for the events of the Savage.

Required Listening:

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